not wanting to give in.

lately i’ve been thinking about the expectations we have. the ones we don’t really address much, but don’t really stop thinking about. i grew up in the midwest where a lot of people grasp tightly to these types of expectations. to the majority, you’re expected to “stay in school,” get a job, meet a potential mate of the opposite sex, marry, get a better job, marry your job, buy a home, buy a car, buy things to fill your home, look as though you have life together and you are a happy couple, get a dog (or some kind of pet to “get you ready for a child”), have said child, have another child, have another child, sell a car and replace with a van, etc. i could keep going but it’s starting to get boring. all the while you’re told that “we just want you to be happy.”

now, this post is directed toward no one. this post is only a reflection of my own experience and the experience of others i know. and this isn’t to say that you can’t do all these things and be happy. i know plenty of people who are(or at least appear to be).

it’s not that i don’t want to be married, have a successful job, a home, a family; it’s that i want to enjoy my life and my wife with the only expectation being that we are happy.

right now, i’m happy. i miss my close friends in iowa. i miss my family. i miss deeann’s family. but i’m happy. we live in a beautiful place. we have incredible and loving friends that i consider family. i work a few hours a week, love what i do, and love learning more about what i do. deeann works three days a week and enjoys her line of work. neither of us are committed to our work so much so that it runs us dry. she enjoys caring for me. i enjoy cooking and helping everywhere i can for her. i’ve been married to her for five years and love her more now than ever. i’m excited to have kids, but terrified for so many reasons. i realize that if we add another person to our family it would make us and our families very happy, however, this would also jeopardize everything our life is right now. i’ll also be the first to confess that this is a selfish thought, but a worthy one.

i don’t want to give in. i don’t want to give in to the thought that i need to work the majority of my life, despite the fact that i would enjoy it or not. why do we expect this of people? is this what truly leads to happiness? how does that work? do we live life as we are young, have kids and work to end our lives, then start our lives again in retirement? why can’t i enjoy my life outside of that? surely money isn’t the only argument to this idea. i know people who live on a lot less than we do that are completely content and happier than i may ever be. and why can’t i continue my life, even while i have kids? why can’t i continue to strive for happiness and success while i raise my children? don’t you think your kids would want you to continue your life and not put everything on hold for them? don’t you think they would want a father that is happy with his work, his wife, his home and surroundings? don’t you think it is best for children to experience as much as this world has for them to experience … with their parents?

whew. this is some crazy heavy stuff. sorry to lay that out there. some current thoughts of mine. take ‘em or leave ‘em. no we’re not pregnant.